Impressive?

So when I was young, my parents knew right away that since I wasn’t that cute and wouldn’t have that great of a personality, I needed to have talents. Lots and lots of talents. To anyone who knows me, I have an array of talents ranging from really useful (not really) to completely random (I like knowing things).

So here’s a list of skills (that my father hoped would gain me friends)

Piano
Violin
Animal balloons
Origami
Hula hooping (more than the usual use)
Spinning flags, rifles and sabers (I was really popular in high school)
Making friendship bracelets (Wanna be BFF’s?)
Bowling (recent talent I just discovered)
Scaffolding (specifically getting teenagers to build it and take it down)
Face painting (confederate flags on children’s faces)
Making flower / feather hair clips (mediocre at best)
Gymnastics
Steaming milk to 160 degrees without a thermometer
Juggling
Efficiently doing things (like factory line work)
Explaining the space time continuum
Talking like Donald Duck
Dead facing
Making paint graphs without any sort of scientific data
French braiding hair

Collecting dresses
Learning how to do things on the internet (driving a stick, changing a tire, waxing a surf board)

So there you have it. In addition to being really awesome (not really), I have a whole set of talents that makes me really fun at parties (but I mostly just like drinking).

An example of my skills: graphs with no scientific basis to them at all.

(I hope my next job lets me blog during work hours)

I want sharing! Pham

Screw ambition, aim for mediocrity

So sitting in my cubicle, worrying about what’s going to happen in the next three months, I’ve discovered that being being an adult is actually a lot of work (that I don’t want to do). So here is a list of ways / signs to stave off being an adult (of the Human variety).

• Be in AmeriCorps
• Work a part time job... only (And hope after beer and take out that there is enough money for rent)
• Live with your parents
• Don't grocery shop regularly / keep more beer than food in the frig
• DO NOT, oh for the love of god, do not watch the weather channel
• Live above a bar
• Be independently wealthy (I’ve been meaning to do this)
• Go back to school
• Get/stay drunk for 12 or more hours a day
• Delay having furniture in your apartment
• Pay for things in change only
• Get an office job where you push the boundaries of business casual and allows you to spend hours writing on your blog (that Christiane forced you to write)

A graph that I just made up using data that doesn't exist.

I want sharing!
PHAM

Analysis of KTWRWWAISGIO

So in the middle of watching an episode of Prison Break (by episode I mean entire season in one sitting), it was pointed out (by Patrick) that Wentworth Miller = not so great actor (Dinotopia).

No worry, he is very nice to look at (VERY NICE) and we all know that in life you can just get by on being extremely attractive. (Or in my life being awesome. True Story.)

As I pondered this, I remembered that Kara and Wentworth Miller are just destined to be together (as told by her).

Let’s critique her reasons. (My comments are in red.)

Kara's Ten (Eleven) Wednesday Reasons Why Wentworth and I Should Get It On

1) English majors (Good start.)

2) He was born in England, I was born in the Pacific Northwest, we both can do rain. (I’ll show you my rain, if you show me yours…)

3) He likes big words, I've heard him use them. (Nerdy people are so hot.)
4) He's really private. IMBD told me. So am I!! (The basis of every good relationship is on the foundation of information from IMDB)

5) I am pretty sure he's not gay (As long as you're okay with pretty sure.)

6) His fake tattoos make me sure that he loves art. I love art.

7) We both love to eat!
8) We both really love our (made for TV) families.
9) He went for Sara, who used to be a drug addict, so he can handle complicated women. (I'm a ginger, which seems to be just about as complicated according to a certain blog that has a support group set up) (Everything.org is dedicated to many causes, you know this)

10) I did lights for high school musicals, I can help him with his "bad" acting. Especially the love scenes. (shut up PAT!) (This is where they start calling each other assholes…)

11) He likes swimming. I swam competitively for many years. Obviously that means we can make waves together. (By waves, she means dirty, sweaty, screaming, sex [too far?])

Now its time for my crappy paint graphs!

I'm such a good employee.

i want sharing! Pham

As far as (fake) nonprofits go...

Everything.ORG

The mission of Everything.ORG is to be a resource for various community issues. Offering several outreach and educational programs, they hope reach a wide range of different populations in need.

Some of programs they offer:

Legging (Re)Education Program:
As we all know (kind of), leggings abuse is quickly becoming an epidemic. To help combat this problem in society (and my sane mind), this program is a one hour workshop for the users of leggings as well as the friends, family and caretakers of legging users. In this program, the proper etiquette for wearing leggings is taught and reaffirmed.

Gingervitis Awareness:
There are many myths, misconceptions (no, they do not have souls), and misgivings about ginger kids (daywalkers included). Though easy to recognize, gingers are difficult to understand. This program is focused on spreading the awareness of ginger kids in the hopes of one day accepting them into society (probably not).

Colored- Coat Mafia Consortium (Fancy word for group?)
Offering a series of workshops, the Colored- Coat Mafia is dedicated to the visual and performing arts. Take classes in Album Cover (boyband) posing (offered in an advanced class also), TLC rapping 101, Mermaids in Caves (Kara is working on getting her teaching license), and many many others.



Awesome Center
"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story"

Dead Face Counseling:
You can recover (not really).

Cannon Fun Inclusion Center:
Are you having fun without me? (4 o'clock bar! 4 o'clock bar!)

Everything.ORG is open to any new ideas (kind of) and welcomes any and all volunteers (maybe).

This is brought to you by the Knickerbocker Foundation.
i want sharing! Pham

Go home and put PANTS on!

Leggings are NOT pants!
Until I bought my first pair of leggings a couple of months ago, I was anti-leggings. But being a reluctant convert, I can understand the appeal now. With that being said there is a right and wrong way of wearing leggings. A very WRONG way...

Pham's Rules of Leggings
RULE 1: Leggings are NOT pants.
RULE 2: ... There are no other rules.

Leggings with dresses and skirts - perfectly acceptable

Leggings with a shirt - absolutely not

Leggings with a tank top tucked in - (Dead Face)
Footless tights (THEY ARE NOT LEGGINGS) worn with a t-shirt - I will look at you with a stare that makes you feel like you are dying inside.

"But Pham, I have this tunic... " - You know who you are.

Since you so obviously love this particular outfit, and your long tunic COULD be considered a dress (maybe), you are allowed to keep it. Just this one outfit though, anymore and I will have an intervention, send you to reform camp and have it brain washed out of your system.







Now that you've gotten this far (or not), here is a a line chart illustrating acceptability to top length. Notice how as the top length gets shorter, public ridicule gets exponentially greater until the loss of social acceptance.


(Yes I wrote this in my cubicle during work hours.)
I want sharing! Pham